No One Said it Would be Easy, No One Ever Said it Would be This Hard
by The Questor Reborn
Summary: The Amazing Spider-Man movieverse, complete. Flash remembers, hesitates and acts. A look into his thoughts after Uncle Ben's death.


Disclaimer: The Amazing Spider-Man and it's characters are the property of Marvel and it's various partners. Title borrowed from Coldplay's _The Scientist_

Flash first notices it when Parker slouched into school that morning- actually on time which was weird all on it's own.

Flash could see it in the hunch of his shoulders, in the curl of his fists and the defeat in his eyes.

He ignored it of course- it was Parker, what did it matter? It wasn't even Flash's business.

But Flash can't help but remember.

During class, while digging through his locker, talking trash with the guys, he keeps falling back in time- he remembers his mother always looking down and away,or suddenly becoming deaf, and his father's voice and how it would get louder and louder, filling the tiny house to the rafters. He remembers his father's fists and everyone's avoided looks, and being so angry about everything that it felt like he could tear the whole world apart like wet tissue paper.

He remembers in the middle of math, painful enough to make his pen skid across the page in bold black ink, his mother's trip to the hospital, the kind you don't come back from, and his father, for once in his pathetic existence, looking sorry.

He barely remembers the full house that followed, crammed full of black suits and casseroles, hands pressing on the top of his curly hair (_just like your mother's_, they'd all whispered in somber tones that made Flash want to scream) and everyone repeating his name over and over because he kept not hearing them because _this wasn't happening, it's just a really bad dream_, and everyone saying _Eugene _and _Junior_.

He recalls more clearly the rage at that- about not wanting that stamp, about not wanting to be the apple that didn't fall far from the tree.

Mostly he remembers that one late night, after the distant relatives had all left, sitting in the dark of the night with a bottle of illegally gotten tequila swearing that he'd never become the man his father was; _I'm never going to be like that selfish asshole_; and how he'd changed his name that night wanting to be as powerful as a flash of lightning. Fairly stupid, as metaphors went, he had later thought, but it hadn't mattered- the name had been _his _and not one inherited. He also remembers grabbing his father's razor, in a fit of rage the next day when everyone's hands lingered on his hair, and baring his teeth in satisfaction at the hair on the bathroom floor.

He sees Parker shrug away from that nosy Gwen Stacey, snapping at her when she doesn't leave. Flash doesn't do anything then, 'cause he knows pretty well how a dude sometimes has to deal with things alone, or at least figure out by himself ne how to ask for help.

But Parker doesn't get better- Flash can see that- it's so obvious everyone should have noticed it in the tensing of Parker's neck, the brittleness of his posture or his rageful stare that dared anyone to say the wrong word to him.

That's when Flash remembers basketball, of run, run, running until his lungs burned, his feet ached, and his thighs cramped so badly he couldn't even stand.

He remembers checking and fighting and playing as dirty as the coach would let him get away with and it helping but not _enough_ the fury boiling constantly under his skin like hellfire. He remembers pushing and pushing until he was too tired to be angry, but still feeling that prickle under his skin.

He also remembers fighting- real fighting, off the court, away from the school where the teachers didn't have to pretend to give a shit.

He remembers most of all how that had been what had finally doused the fire and let him rest. He smiles bitterly at the thought of how that had been what had stopped him from doing more than thinking about stealing his father's gun and shooting- well he'd never figured out which Eugene he'd wanted to put a bullet in more.

So that's why he calls out after Parker, pretends not to notice the frayed rope he's snapping, the snare he's stepping into. It's why he lets Parker slam him against the lockers (and when the hell had Parker gotten strong enough to do that, what the hell?).

He could see Parker crumple immediately after, the weight of death catching up to him.

For a split second he's worried that he did the wrong thing, that he made it worse- when Parker folds into himself, clutching at Flash's hands. But then Flash sees it- the dim remembering that _I'm still here, I'm still here and I'm not going down like this_. That he's down but not out, as Flash's mom had loved to say.

And Flash thinks that maybe he's finally done the right thing.

A/N: Sorry if this doesn't mesh perfectly with the movie- my external CD drive was being a little shit and didn't want to do the thing right. Inspired by this gifset and these comments on tumblr ( post/47440093906/towritelesbiansonherarms)

Thanks for reading, Bee Marie


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